Divine Thoughts

With The

Divine Miss

Single vs Married

Has there ever been a time in your life when you just wanted to haul off and smack someone? Like, for instance, when with a married acquaintance bemoans her married state, and wishes she was single again like you, but in her eyes is this look. This condescending glimmer that you just know means, "I have a man and you don't." It's a club. A cult. Very exclusive. And I am not allowed to even glimpse beyond the exterior.

Do I mind being single? Hell no! I love it! But must the marrieds of my circle treat me as though I am a pariah? It's like they've forgotten what it's like. Dating. They think my life is just fun, drinking, sex, 24-7. If only they could see me now. Sitting at home on a Saturday night, listening to Josh Groban sing in Italian and keeping the cat from jumping on the counter. How glamourous.

It's not just my married friends making the push, but my family as well. Family is actually worse. They want grandkids, nieces, nephews. Most of all, they just want you to be as happy as they have been. They're happy, and they're married, therefore to them, marriage is the only way to be truly happy. They mean well. They just don't understand that there are other paths to take to happiness.

Awhile back, I had lunch with a friend. A male friend. Nate. We actually were more of acquaintances, and it was a curcumstantial thing...we were going to the same place and coming back to the same place, so we just decided to drive together. During this lunch, we talked about the push from our respective families to settle. Both of our younger siblings are married and have children. He dotes on his three-year-old niece, same as I do with my nephew, and as I inevitably would do with my soon-to-be-born niece. It didn't take long for us to realize that we were kindred spirits. Not in the romantic sense, but kindred just the same.

I made the mistake of telling my mother. The questions were fired at me with the rapidity of a machine gun, "How old is he? Is he cute? Is he straight? (A perfectly reasonable question as he is a theatre friend.) Is he single?" I roll my eyes, and answered, "28, yes, yes, I don't know but it doesn't matter because he's Robie's best friend and I'm just glad for the opportunity to know him better since we have Robie in common." But she just didn't get it.

A few weeks late, I ran into Nate. He confided to me that he made the mistake of mentioning our lunch to his mother, too. He had to field the barrage of questions, same as I had. Then he asked how my nephew was and if my niece had been born yet. It was nice to have a conversation with a good-looking guy knowing that there are no expectations, just a kinship.

Marriage is a wonderful institution.So many very young. Some people prefer to grow up or to "find themselves" before they get married. Some people prefer not to get married at all. I see other women whose entire mission in life is to find a husband. Any husband. And it saddens me that they make marriage a goal, instead of focusing on themselves as a person and making their life complete on their own. To be honest, it's a little depressing that some women won't allow themselves to be happy or even whole without a partner.

Am I anti-marriage? Absolutely not! I'd love to get married, but only when I find that person who I just can't live without. I don't care if I'm fifty, sixty, seventy or older before I find him. I just don't want to settle with someone who won't make me insanely happy. I am so happy with my life right now. I have my own apartment, my car will be paid off in the next year, I have two adorable kitties who love me as unconditionally as I love them, I have an adoring family, the cutest nephew, the sweetest niece, my theatre career, and my Improv troupe. I have so much to be thankful for. Marriage will be the icing on the cake. It's just not done baking yet. And even if I never get married, that cake is plenty sweet all on it's own.